5AM Runner

Letting Go of Fear


letting go“But how could you live and have no story to tell?”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

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Well, no, drinking coffee is not the main reason we wake up in the morning, despite what Folgers may suggest in their TV commercials. “The best part of waking up” for me, at least this morning, was actually being able to live up to my own determination to get out there and put a few miles together.  What can I say – I have been in a slump as of late, finding it ever so difficult to get up early enough to do anything meaningful.

Even more than simply a habit, lately I have actually been possessed by fear of missing out, of losing the momentum.  Anytime I miss a day or two of running, I begin to experience this distinct physical fear of letting it all go and not being able to reclaim the ability to stay in shape.  As I have said time and time again, this is the only way I know how to keep the pounds off, and if for any reason I am unable to run – well, goodbye Irene!  I will most likely balloon back up to at least 270 lbs. and cease to exist as a creature of fitness and revert back to being a 9 AM Pancake Killer.

And so on the days when I miss the early action, I try to do something to overcome the guilt and frustration, as well as the fear of staying idle for too long.  What to do?  Since I don’t believe in drops, pills, shots and other artificial means of staying fit, I load up on grapefruits!  Yes, I know, crazy and a bit unorthodox, but it works.  I have talked about grapefruits here in the past, praising their near-miraculous weight loss powers, and I am telling you – something quite inexplicable yet amazingly effective about these things!

Well, other than ripping apart a grapefruit and trying not to eat anything after 6 or 7 PM, what else is there to do?  I was invited on Sunday to join a kickboxing class for an hour – but come on!  5 AM Runner kickboxing at noon?  I don’t think so, I would feel so out of place, I would end up kickboxing myself into severe depression.

So, this morning when I completed my quick 6-mile escapade into the wild, I felt a certain amount of fulfillment, coupled with a sense of relief, as if a weight has been shifted off my shoulders – I get to stay fit for another few days!

See you out there – keep it running!