I sincerely hate Alec Baldwin!
Don’t get me wrong – the man is one of the finest actors of our generation, and I do admire his talent. And it will come as no surprise that my wife loves him with all her soul and, in fact, only agrees to hang out with me if I make my voice sound like his on occasion…. Obviously, she wasn’t going to miss his 16th appearance on Saturday Night Live, which cost me another few hours of sleep last night… By the time I stepped out of the house this morning – around 4:45 or so – I felt nothing but total exhaustion and pure hatred toward Baldwin, SNL and late night television in general.
But all that was quickly forgotten as something else caught my attention. Right as I opened the door, I noticed some sort of a dark animal, no larger than a dog, run amazingly fast across our street and into the adjacent field. It was completely black, or so it appeared in the darkness of the night, and literally lightning-fast, shooting across the entire street in a matter of 1-2 seconds! Who knows what that thing was and where it went – probably back to hell – but I will admit, I paused momentarily in my tracks and thought twice about leaving the safety of my house… Convinced that I most likely just imagined the whole thing, I went out anyway.
And what do I see as make my way out onto the main street? Not too many cars, naturally, however, at least 4 or 5 runners attempting to duplicate my routine and take over my territory! I couldn’t believe my eyes! I take a Saturday off and this is what I come back to?! First they call me crazy, now everyone is out there doing the same thing! I felt like taking care of business right away and telling all these people to clear out, however, they were in luck since I don’t talk during my runs, and so I left the matter alone. I think I will just post a note out there tonight, reminding these people that this is my preferred time & territory, and if they want to be 5 AM Runners as well, they should seek life elsewhere!
As I mentioned, not too many cars out there at 5 AM, which certainly helps, however, the few that actually do have to drive somewhere in this crazy hour are most likely selected by some designated Low IQ Squad. I think there has to be a special road block someplace nearby, where all the cars get pulled over and only the drivers that are completely brain dead or lack any significant IQ points are allowed to continue driving around through the night.
I encountered one such whiz-kid on my route back. He actually pulled his sizable head all the way out of the window as he drove by and let out a piercing scream – reminded me of that movie “Planet of the Apes”, when the monkeys celebrated taking over the bridge. Certainly, I expected something a bit more meaningful from him, perhaps a curse, a degrading phrase, a memorable expression – something! He could at least tell me what he really thinks of me, but to just roar like a chimp – come on, dude, get creative! We do better than that at 5 AM!
In any event, it never gets boring on the streets of Langhorne, no matter what time it may be. And with my mind constantly pre-occupied with all this fun-filled activity, it looks like I actually began covering longer distances, not even realizing it! You miss a turn here and there and next thing you know a quiet 5-mile run turns into a 7-mile adventure. But of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Until the next time,
Keep it running!